Back to Dispatches Life on the sphere is hardly ever fair...and so we introduce Bac Ho.... again.

Brass Monkey

Hanuman, king of the monkeys, second Hall of Clan Bac Ho. Forever overshadowed by his predecessor Aries. Nevermind that 80% of the clan are now descended from Hanuman, it's the 20%, the artillery that the Clan Elders are constantly praising. Where would the clan be without the Elephants, without the Turtles and the Wolves?.... but no, Hanuman is stuck in a corner somewhere in StomperLand, not even trusted with the responsibility of gun ownership. Hanuman left to amuse himself with a small percussion set.

Hand, hand, fingers, thumb.

One hand, two hands
Drumming on a drum
Dum, ditty, dum, ditty
Dum, dum, dum.


Drum kit under serpent's bum No hands
No fingers
No dum ditty dum.


In the distance
monkeys drum
Dum ditty dum ditty
Dum, dum, dum.


Patient serpent,
boredom come.
Still no ditty,
still no dum.


Monkeys come
and monkeys hum
Hum drum, hum drum
Hum hum hum.


Bored old serpent,
Heads hit drum.
Dumdumdumdum
Dum, dum, dum.


Monkeys come,
with bongo drums.
Dum ditty dum ditty
Dum, dum, dum.


"Hello Bac"
"Hello Snake"
Shake hands, shake hands
Shake, shake, shake.


"Goodbye Snake"
"Goodbye Bac"
Beating on the drums now
Whack, whack, whack.


Many monkeys
Many more snakes
Trashing drumkits
Break, break, break.

"Move!"

"What?", murmured a startled Hanuman from his hammock strung between two coconut trees on the Ridge of Retribution.

"StomperLand is being invaded by Hydra, we have to get you out of here", replied an obviously concerned Clan Elder.

Hanuman wasn't going to fall into the trap of the stubborn Aries. Full of excitement he dutifully followed the Elder over the ridge and on to the home gate. Could this mean he was to leave StomperLand for the first time in his 200 days on the sphere... it looked a distinct possibility.

"Where am I going?", questioned Hanuman

"Nowhere, if these Hydra scouts keep watching your every step".

Hanuman watched as yet another Frazzles scout was violently removed from the sphere. He listened intently to the discussions of the Council of Elders. It seemed that Hydra had been building up a huge force a mere 20 hexes north of the StomperLand border, not a big issue really as Hydra had for a long time had free access to the gates surrounding StomperLand. What caused the trouble was the extermination of a Bac Ho scout breeder. Not just any scout breeder, but the mother of the Glorious Trio, three scouts who in one day spotted 9 foreign halls. There was some confusion as to exactly what followed, but the Bac Ho Department of Retaliation bore the brunt of much abuse from the Council of Elders.

"Aries Rock!", said Elder Nostalgia, "The Hydra forces are at least 50 days from there... we can regroup and prepare for glory"

"No", said Elder Negative, "There's already an escape plan in effect. Send the Hall to the intermediate gate and from there to freedom"

"Have you seen the scouts harassing the intermediate gate? At least here we've got some fighter support... I say we stay here and fight", said Elder Last Stand

"What about this?", said Elder Insanity, "Hanuman jumps SW, towards the front line of the Gimli lynching. All their scouts are gating here, they'd have no idea. OK so we can't see all the peaks surrounding the landing zone, but our breeders have been walking past there for weeks without getting shot at, so there can't be anyone nasty in those hills. Nobody would suspect a thing"

Elder Insanity was ejected from the meeting. His views were dangerous... in the end the safety of Aries Rock was chosen. A 3 day wait in flight mode as the incoming scouts were exterminated. Then the day arrived.

"GO!", shouted the Elders

And Hanuman went. He liked Elder Insanity, the only one to refer to him by name. Hanuman would show the rest of the Elders, he was a master tactician, not one to be pushed around by the views of the old and senile. Hanuman walked through the gate and took the Insanity Option.

"Ummm... guys?", a hesitant Hanuman radioed the Council of Elders

"What the hell are you doing down there!?!?", shouted an irate Elder.

"There's a nasty looking Mercenary fighter on the mountain to my south".

"Don't worry", said the Elder, "Mercenary is neutral. I've already sent a message to him. GimpCO have no idea you're there... and there's no reason why a neutral clan would tell them. I'll let you know what he says."

Twenty hours went by, no word from the Elders. The Dark Angels hall sat beside Hanuman, it too had been swayed by the words of Elder Insanity. Hanuman reconfigured to survival mode... and with no Elders telling him what to do, for the first time he gave himself some guns.


Monkeys jump
and monkeys bump
Dum, dum, dumb
as Forrest Gump


Monkeys skid on
banana's hide.
Monkeys slip
but never slide.


In the distance
stands Short Pants
Monkeys clap and
monkeys dance

Clap clap clap clap
Dance, dance, dance


Monkeys listen
Short Pants speak
Voice not broken
Squeak, squeak, squeak


"Bow before me,
lay down your drums"
Monkeys yawn
and scratch their tums

Tum titty tum titty
Tum, tum, tum


"Give up now
or lose it all"
Monkeys yawn
and play with balls


"Crazy monkeys,
Don't you care?"
Monkey fingers
in the air.


ORZ arrives
from far away,
Monkeys sing
and monkeys play

La, la la
Hip hip hooray!


Seventy titans
seventy drums
ORZ plays music
Dum ditty dum


Monkeys sing
and monkeys dance
"ORZ much more fun
than Short Pants!"


Lizard sits
up on a hill,
Dum ditty dum ditty
Kill, kill, kill.


"Hello Ho"
"Hello Skink"
Nod, nod, wink, wink
Nod, nod, wink.


"Goodbye Skink"
"Goodbye Ho"
Monkeys leaving
Go, go, go!


Dum ditty dum ditty
Dum, dum, dum.


The incoming shells from the Mercenary fighter were hardly a surprise. It had become apparent this clan was in no way neutral.

A large group of ORZ fighters to the north preparing for a surprise attack on Aries Rock suddenly veered south. Small and fast, these fighters had a large breeder support and it was not long before the first shells started to hit their mark. What was surprising was the way the fighters concentrated their fire on the lower tech Dark Angels hall. Shields crumpled and the Dark Angels Hall was immediately on the brink of destruction.

ORZ the merciful offered terms to Dark Angels which were accepted, then turned his guns on Hanuman. 70 ORZ titans had rapidly gathered in the area. The S.O.S. went out to the four non-GimpCO aligned clans in the area. All offered their assistance. It was unlikely that these clans would be able to stop ORZ but it was nice to know that Bac Ho had friends.

The Stompers on Gimli lynching duty were also running rapidly north to meet ORZ, but to no avail. They weren't fast enough, and ORZ were. Gimli arrived on the scene with a large Gen380 fighter and immediately started laying into Hanuman. Cameleons the third member of GimpCO (the fourth if you count the "neutral" Merenary) was content to sit on a mountain taunting Hanuman with its big evil eyes.

A diplomat from ORZ arrived, demanding a surrender. Other clans in GimpCO wanted to hang Hanuman, but ORZ was confident he could convince them otherwise.

A diplomat from Gimli arrived, demanding a surrender. Other clans in GimpCO wanted to hang Hanuman, but Gimli was confident he could convince them otherwise.

Forever in the shadow of Aries, Hanuman wasn't one to make the same mistakes of his predecessor. He could have surrendered, but for one thing. He had guns! He liked having guns! He liked shooting guns!

After a little over a week Hanuman fell. Before he departed the world of the mortals, a Kindred observer on a nearby peak offered some advice "If you want revenge, when you see the bright white light.... stay in the shadows".

Hanuman hungered for vengeance, he wasn't going anywhere.


Eerie silence
fills the land.
No more joyous
monkey band.


Not a monkey,
not a drum,
not a ditty,
not a dum.


Orz, Shorts Pants,
don't want to kill.
Did they act
against their will?

 

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Thank you Hanuman, a fine work of art. Drama does seem to bring out the best in you. It is becoming a habbit though, don't you think?

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