This is the opening missive from Cowputts, we have to start with Cowputts because traditionally these stories always give away information about them! (sorry Rob). They are in communication with Haggis, who is still sorely missed:

Haggis, As you can see some reinforcements are arriving to your left. Tech 21 weapons ought to start making a mark next tourney (unfortunately with negative points but still it's only about 6) Next tourney I presume your war starts up. It may be as well to flag your intention now that you will fire with sunday orders. I would be grateful if you could keep going all the time as it will keep titans pinned. He's boasting that he has more breeders than when I started raiding but he had to blow about 10 experienced titans to do it so am not unhappy. I am trying to build some more good fighters but it is very slow. They will go to help the war up north. Unfortunately Sandokans have reactivated near Vermoulians who have started firing. I will not leave an old ally so am now fighting on a fourth front and am getting them to pull back. Have sent to Vermoulians suggesting truce. He has not put in orders last two turns so not sure what he's thinking. Your forces should be strong enough to keep talon at bay especially if you stay in the mountains. Slugs only have about a dozen titans up north and most of them are where we met. He will probably leave you alone. Suggest you work on Villains. He could really do will some experience and would fit between you and I quite well. Point out that talon is deploying to move through his area which could be dangerous and should be hit before ready. This is true. Good fighting Rob

Cowputts, You said 'Next tourney I presume your war starts up.' Presumably, yes. I have to talk to Talon about it. He is still acting like a paranoid twit. I can't help but think that some day I will really be at war with him, despite my best efforts to keep the peace. > Your forces should be strong enough to keep talon at bay especially if you stay in the mountains. Slugs only have about a dozen titans up north Yes, that is one of the sore points. Talon claims that I am trying to keep him from coming south. From the beginning of my alliance with him, I asked him (per your request) to go south on the west side of my clan. I have never had any objection to him doing so, and have never given any obstacle to him doing so. Still he insists on going though my clan and to the east of my clan. Of course I will oppose that. > Suggest you work on Villains. He could really do will some experience and I don't count of too much help from Villains. I don't know what they are doing in this game, they act stranger than Talon. They moved into my territory, then asked me to move a breeder in that region away. I responded to them, saying that the only reason that they were in that region was that I allowed them to be there, and they had no right to tell me where my breeders should be, but making it clear that I was quite willing to have them in that region. They promptly left, as though they thought I would attack them. Don't know what they are thinking, don't care. Haggis

Haggis, Have just done my turn The eunochs have actually done a major move south with a lot of their units. They would appear on the right end of your line in about 3 turns. The slugs are staying north. Either they weren't informed or they are going to provide the rear guard. I will probably be able to help maintain the left end with a couple of titans if you wish to strengthen slightly to the right. It doesn't look though as if he has a lot of strength there anyway unless there is a lot more I can't see.. Don't let him line everything up before the shooting starts. I will press the rear when I see you firing, at present I am building out of range to prevent death one by one. Have fun Rob

and later...

CowPutts > that south east is straight through Villains, Smurf and I but he still > keeps moving east (or north east!). I have tried pulling back but he just > pursues. So much for his strong desire to move south. I think he just > uses it as a method to seem reasonable whilst doing what he wants. I know that he has a strong desire to pursue you, no matter what he might say to the contrary. If he all he wanted was to head south, he could have done so long ago to the west side of my clan. > P.S. I will move a titan called ambassador behind your lines. You can > tell talon it will only shoot on turns you and he are at war as long as he > doesn't chase it on other turns. I would like to ensure that you are > coping and whether aid is needed. Let me know if this offends. It will offend Talon, I guarantee that. It doesn't offend me, but will surely offend Talon, and I'm trying to soothe him at the moment. But fight Talon where ever you see fit, it's entirely up to you. If you do anything, fight Talon's titans which are on my eastern flank. That is the only place where I am not happy with my position. I was trying to prevent Talon's forces from being able to pass through there, but due to unforseen circumstances, and Talon taking advantage of said circumstances, I have failed. I do have an agreement with Talon, and I do believe he will abide by it. The only reason we got into a dispute recently was because of a misunderstanding. I have accepted that fact even if Talon, who came out of the misunderstanding far better than I did, has not. Again, do what you want. The purpose of my battle against Talon has been to give you a little extra help in defending your holdings against him, not to start my own war against him. Make what you can of my help, but to start lending support to my support seems a little strange. Haggis

And lets leave that snippet, on to Nosferatu and the Thousand Sons as they scheme...

Nosferatu, If we can hold them off for a grueling 6 or so more turns I'll have some big(size 24) titans with 15 material, engine and weapon tech spawned. That ought to get them running. If you can keep those titans coming from the north from slamming down behind me or getting through to my breeders we'll be all set. I need to find some of the new type of bio mass, seen Any? Thousand Sons

Thousand Sons I have not seen any new biomass I have not explored very far as I have become involved in a small battle with Clan Gothalius about the same time your large fighters come on line mine do also I shall help, a second battle group will head your way shortly to bolster your lines by the time you receive this the new Atlanteans shall know our combined fury V.Dracul II Clan Nosferatu

Which leads nicely onto:

New Atlantean Senate, As per your code of honor I inform you that I enter the battle on the side of Clan Thousand Sons this is not a declaration of war between our two clans however my help has been requested by a clan which has shown me no hostility no orders to attack you have been posted this turn however on Tuesday attack orders will be posted V.Dracul II Clan Nosferatu

clan Nosferatu, Understood, we will begin firing on you on Tuesday as well. May the best Titans win! Kirius Praetor to the Atlantean Senate

Nice to see such civilised behaviour. So as a bit of a counter to this gentlemanly agreement...

Talon, > respect his wishes. I feel that you are using the alliance to rebuild > your forces in preparation for attacking us and to hinder my movement > south. Sure, sure, what ever you want to believe to make yourself happy. As I have amply demonstrated, I have acted as honorably as any of us would. I sent a request to you for a cease fire, and you "ignored" it. (I believe that you did not get that email. If I thought that you really did recieve that email, we would be at war already. If you have not already gotten confirmation from Jonathan that I sent that message, please do so now. Whatever you would like to belive of me, I really did send that message.) As far as I could tell at that point, you were ignoring my request for a cease fire. I am quite sure that you would do what I did in that situation, which is to take your actions as a declaration of war. In fact, your email message to me, when I sent you a "reminder" of my request for a cease fire, said that you fully expected that I would retaliate for your continued attack. The funny thing is, when I did retaliate, you acted shocked, surprised and offended. After you said that that was what you expected me to do. So of course, you retaliated for my actions. I did not re-retaliate, since things were getting silly.Note that I am the one who stopped firing first. I really don't understand why you are still upset about that misunderstanding. You got the best of it by far. I lost about 10 titans that were injured, but could have been repaired if given the time, if not fired upon by your titans which I thought were going to observe a cease fire. I disabled one titan of yours that was in an area it had no reason to be in the first place. Hmmm, 10 titans to 1 titan, I wonder who got the better deal there? Not to mention the fact that in the process you were able to push my line back far enough to start sending titans around the east end. The main point of the battle in that region, other than to score tourney points, was to keep you from heading in that direction. So let's see, 10 to one titan destruction, and you accomplished your strategic goal while I did not, solely due to your continued attack. I wonder who has the right to be upset here? On another topic, you have mentioned a couple of times in your latest email that you don't think I will let you move south. From day one of our alliance, I asked you to move south on the *west* side on my clan, not to move through my clan or to the east of my clan. Your response to this has been, basically, "screw you, I'll move south where ever I please." Well, of course if you move in the direction I do not wish, you will meet some opposition from me. Slogs has respected my wishes and has met no opposition whatsoever. You say you feel that I don't want you to move south. I do want you to move south, but I also want you to respect my boundaries. Okay, I think I have that out of my system. I do not wish to rant at you, but you continue to make accusations, so I guess I feel that I must respond. I guess at this point I have to admit that I do not like or trust you. But for strategic reasons, I think it best that we continue our alliance. I think even less of Gout-Leg than I do of you, and will gladly fight by your side if it means hurting GL. Besides, I consider Slogs a decent ally at this point, and will forgive some mistakes of yours for his benefit. > With the forces we are bringing to bear it shouldn't take us long to > reach 100 points. At that time we should renew the ceasefire. As Slogs Okay, I was planning on asking you if you still wanted to do the limited battle thing. If you'll recall, I said something before about perhaps not doing that if it was causing too many problems. I will work under the assumption that we will continue our little mock war as soon as the next tourney starts, and yes, we will both reach 100 pretty fast, and let's agree now that we both stop once we have both hit 100 tourney points. > south. Once we have ceased firing I expect you to open your lines in > order to expedite my movement south. If you are really Slogs ally you As I have said before, move to the west of me, don't try to mix your titans with mine. I am very agreeable to that. In fact, that has been Slogs suggestion from the beginning, that we all maintain our own separate territories. Hoping to work more peaceably with you in the future, Haggis

Then we come to the short comms bursts that try to sort out the mess that is war.

Slogs, Kindy watch what you're firing at. The titan k25 fired on last go was a breeder. Chief guru, etc,etc... Clan Romo Nyngali

Romo Nyngali, Argh! My utmost sorrow at the error. I was in a hurry yesterday and probably just highlighted the titan to see if it had any damage and when I saw it didn't I fired at it. Will it survive? If not, I will give you one of my breeders to destroy to make up for it. Please understand that I did not intend to violate our agreement. Slog

Then we have the alliance building pleas, guess who this was from, I'll not say.

You must be ready for some battle now. We would like you to join us. You need the points to start to grow and become stronger. Should you join us I will allow you to send a few gen 15 breeders to some advanced biomass I know. If you generally come north you will meet talon and continue Haggis' line. Talon does not have the spare strength to break you and I can add some titans as stiffening if desired. Titans will get lost but most of us have been able to keep breeding up and expand. Do come in, the water's fine. P.S. Talon is redeploying to move south through you anyway. I have generally slowed this but for various reasons my forces in this area are falling back. As you will notice with your northern titans I'm helping Sandokans pull south out of major danger. They will not threaten you and are friendly. Hoping to hear from you

And then there is the explaining email, I'm glad that the Sandokans got themselves sorted out.

Hi clan Talon, In fact, it's normal you didn't understand my style of play : I had very little time to play and it was very sporadic. Eventually I slid for 1 month, now it's better. At the moment I'm mainly seeking the famous 2nd biomass to feed my tech increase, and trying to prevent Vermoulians from killing me. I think you began playing about at the same time as me. Cheers Sandokans

And finally, a hint at the love that goes on even in the midst of war, I wonder where the scouts are now?

Greetings Clan Romo Nyngali, Your scout appears to be chasing one of my scouts. What are your intentions? Talon